160616

3:39 PM 6/15/2016

stretched.

anytime fitness.
traffic controller i-90.
pizza rita
sacs
hearthstone cottage.
hotel 8.
maybe even part time at burger king would be ok.

this has been my summer schedule:

i go running first thing. that is good. that is great.
then I have some morning activity. court. career services meeting.
then we do an activity: research school districts in the library, go shopping, get books from the public library.
then we come home, eat lunch, read a bit, then take a nap. and then when i wake up I'm done for the day, I read some more, watch some tv. yesterday we watched the inkmaster finale. i finished kimmi schmidt. watched some parks and rc. i watched comedy bang bang which was pretty good. and we watched this movie called Hush.

i have to refill meds, see if i got financial aid, see if dr haviland is around because I want to Pass, apply for jobs, call my parents and keep them updated. the career services guy was really kind of crap. i should go back to take the assessment though, that's something to do, just go there and take the assessment. i mean, damn, or go to the library and take them- look over what he gave me because i'm not going to do it any other time, this is perking my body up just thinking about, it's my future, so what advice he gave me that was good is to start looking at jobs that I want, which in general is good, but i am in survival mode, and a part of me knows what kind of job i want. i want a rote job. i am in trauma from college. i think i am in trauma or i am in trauma. all i want to do is work on an assembly line. if i could go to work everyday from 9-5, i'd even get there at 8;45, sit in the break room, but if i could work 9 to 5 everyday at the pokemon plant, i would be happy, at this moment i would be happy. when i started feeling comfortable i would branch out. i want to get a job so i have structure and i get comfortable. i want to detox from the stress. i think i can work and detox from the stress at the same time. because having too much free time is anxiety producing in its own way.

i've been eating alot. yesterday (Wednesday): cereal, lamb saag, cocoa, mozarella sticks, fries with cheese, chinese chicken/rice/and dumplings, a burrito, a cookie.
Tuesday I ate a bagel, ravioli, ice cream, cookies and milk, hamburgers/mozarella sticks/fries, and more cookies and milk.

7:46 AM 6/16/2016

haven't music since Friday. That's five days.

Monday I ran on the second trail- Sammi couldn't go when I stopped by at 7;45 because he had work.

Tuesday I woke at 6;30 so we could go running, Sammi had to be back at 7;15 so we ran for twenty minutes on the first trail.

Wednesday Sammi wouldnt wake up. I ran the first whole trail. whole first trail.

Thursday I woke at 6;15, I got to sammi's, he opened the window, i thought he was coming but he went back to sleep, he goes go without me and i'm like now, i've been waiting for you i thought you were getting dressed, so he says ok. i waited for another seven minutes and i knocked on his window again but he was out of his room and then i left. trying to train him in my own way to come along or i'll leave. i do need him though. it takes two to keep to a schedule. and this schedule is good. a run in the morning and some activities in the morning let's me relax for the rest of the day. So I ran for about a half an hour on the first trail, we ran two the first triple beam, and then walked and turned around shortly after that. I saw Hope's husband, he's handsome, seems to be in good shape, looks to be about 40.

I really had this vision that I would be going to the gym this summer but after i take my nap at one and wake up at 3 or 4 I'm tired for the night. I'm tucked in for the late afternoon and evening and night.

 I've been going to bed at a reasonable time so i can wake up early. My body is able tor rest just fine. A three hour nap and then sleeping from 10 to 6. that's eleven hours average. rachel sleeps about twelve hours. she takes her nap about an hour after mine but when i wake up i wake her up. she goes to bed about the same time and she sleeps in two hours after me.

today i got home from my jog/walk, i smoked, and i sat down and journaled which i am doing now. i think i'll get some breakfast, smoke more and chillax. does chillax egual read? maybe read in bed, nah, read while lying on the couch. chillax for some time and then call bimart. then, ...go shopping, or go to the library and really print out some resumes and make a game plan drive around to different places and hand out my resume and fill out the application. it's important for me to write this out because it mentally helps me prepare. i can imagine going to saks, what were they hiring? dishwasher, kitchen staff?